The ThunderDragon

(This is a cross post from the Wardman Wire by Matt Wardman)

I came across Chris Applegate’s rather wonderful algorithm for a David Aaronovitch simulator, based on this column:

• Step 1: Go ad hominem from the very start and label your opponents as being part of some mythical self-styled intellectual commentariat (while ignoring just how eminently qualified you are yourself to belong to that same cadre):
• Step 2: Posit a false dichotomy and put your opponent at one extreme end of it.
• Step 3: Push the boat out even more - emphasise how the bad men will get you if you don’t do what they say. Go for the heart-tugging “as a father” line if need be.
• Step 4: When all else fails, wring your hands and play the race card.
• Step 5: Ask a sub-editor to top it off by giving it the headline “Ignore the paranoid fantasists” and voila! Instant column!

The existence of a convincing algorithm invites a question:

Could we re-engineer Eliza to be an Aaronovitch simulator and thereby prove that belief in the real one is logically unnecessary?

Now, Chris Applegate is a Geek:

the blog, website & general online presence of Chris Applegate, twentysomething geek and generally lost boy

So how about it, Chris?

If we could do the same for a lot of columnists, then our newspapers might be economically viable again.

I had a little try out with Eliza (linked above):

Eliza: Hello. I am ELIZA. How can I help you?
Me: I want to be David Aaronovitch.
Eliza: Why do you want to be david aaronovitch?
Me: I can’t work it out.
Eliza: Have you tried?
Me: It depresses me when I do try.
Eliza: Can you elaborate on that?
Me: No, that’s the problem. I can’t understand it.
Eliza: You are being a bit negative.
Me: I know. I want to be David Aaronovich.
Eliza: Why do you want to be david aaronovitch?

At which point it started to go round in circles, which leads me to think that perhaps we don’t need to do that much development.

Could we even have a “kill 2 birds with one stone” Polly-o-Tron simulator, with an extra plug-in “Tim Worstall” module that would write a good chunk of Tim’s blog at the same time by applying factual corrections, and save enough time to let him stay in the blogosphere when he becomes an MEP?

Just musing over my cornflakes.

Engineering Resources

• Algorithm above.
• Eliza.
• BBC “Have your Say” comment simulator.
• Columns by Mr Aaronovich.
• Columns by La Polly.
• Tim Worstall.
• Ear muffs.

I’m off on holiday. Like the politicians, I’m going to stay within Britain. I am in fact going up to Scotland, just north of the place of Gordon Brown’s latest disaster.

I’ll be away for two weeks sailing, hill walking, white water rafting, horse riding, and many other activities. The main downside being the eight hour trip on a coach with about 40 Scouts!

I’ve set a few posts up to be published over the next few weeks and hopefully a few guest posts too.

Labour have lost Glasgow East. A seat where they had a huge 13,507 majority and gained more than 60% of the vote at the last election now lost to the SNP, with a swing of more than 22%.

When Labour is losing a seat like Glasgow East, which they really should be able to hold easily, the end is nigh for them. If this swing was repeated at a general election, Labour would be left with just one MP in Scotland - and if this were to be replicated in England as well… Of course that won’t happen, but it is an interesting statistic to look at.

Labour is now in a critical position. Gordon Brown is lucky that parliament has risen for the summer recess, or I doubt that he would have survived much longer. This was almost certainly arranged on purpose. But even so, Brown’s future as Prime Minister still hangs in the balance.

The results:

John Mason, SNP - 11,277
Margaret Curran, Labour - 10,912
Davena Rankin, Conservative - 1,639
Ian Robertson, Lib Dem - 915

Glasgow East was a good result for the SNP and the Conservatives, a bad resut for the Lib Dems and, rather obviously, a terrible night for Labour. The Conservatives leap-frogged the leaderless Scottish Lib Dems into third place. One thing that hasn’t really been mentioned with recent by-election results is that the Lib Dems, who once triumphed in these elections, really have failed miserably, their “legendary” by-election engine stalling. Three times in a row.

Is this result something from which Labour can recover? It seems unlikely when Glasgow East was such a safe seat. The end appears to be nigh for Labour.

The best insult I’ve read in a while:

One suspects they are a module short of a Media Studies degree.

Written by The Reactionary Snob at Mr Eugenides’ blog.

Go here to read the story that inspired the innovative insult.

Newspapers do appear to make a huge number of typos nowadays. But there are some really bad ones out there. Only yesterday, the Daily Mail published the following headline on their website [click to enlarge]:

Of course, that has now been corrected. But for a number of hours, the Daily Mail was proclaiming on their website that Margaret Thatcher was a Lard. Whether or not it got in to print, however, I don’t know.

However, that isn’t as bad as the typo made by this newspaper:

Yes, they spelt their own name wrong. But at least they were contrite the following day, stating “we sure feel silly”.

I’m not at all surprised by this:

The errors were caused by a time lag between HM Revenue and Customs recognising that a loan has been repaid and informing the Student Loans Company to stop deducting money from a graduate’s monthly salary.

It means 72,000 people have been deprived of thousands of pounds until the money wrongly taken is repaid since the first students to borrow money under the system paid off their loans in 2001. (The Telegraph)

The Student Loans Company are completely useless. This I know first hand. This is just more proof.

The whole SLC system is just appallingly badly run.

Women should be encourgaed to beome MPs. But I find the reasoning that some people employ to argue for them idiotic.

Commons Speaker Michael Martin is to hold a conference aimed at finding a way to ensure more women and people from ethnic minorities become MPs.

He said he would try to end “disparity” between society and Parliament.

Currently about one in five MPs is a woman, compared with approximately half the population. (BBC)

Parliament is not a reflection of society. MPs are not delegates. They are representatives. As such, that there is only 125 female MPs out of 646 is not an issue in and of itself.

The issue is only that women appear find it harder to get into Parliament. And this something for the parties to resolve internally - but it also perfectly possible that this lower number is simply down to a smaller number of women who want to become MPs.

Women should be encouraged to become MPs, but candidates should all be evaluated on the same basis - equality is essential. Gender should not make any difference. After all, if Parliament is meant to be entirely representative of society, why do we vote at all and not just pick people by lot?

Is cycling a left-wing or right-wing activity?

Tory MP Ed Vaizey:

Some people like to pretend its a left-wing pastime because they conjure up these images of miners cycling to work.

But actually it’s both a Conservative and a right-wing pastime, if I can draw that distinction.

Remember John Major’s famous speech about ‘old maids cycling to church’? And I think that brings up the point about the heritage of cycling - it’s very much woven into the British character.

It’s a Conservative issue in terms of nostalgia, but it’s also a right-wing issue because its about the freedom of the individual. It’s about taking ones own action against an over-bearing stage.

Labour MP Gwyn Prosser, chairman of the Commons all-party cycling group:

I think it is more of a left-wing tradition - it’s more egalitarian. A bike is a bike…

Bikes have two wheels and they spell out equality and inclusiveness and egalitarianism.

Seriously? It’s a mode of transport!

[Though if it is political, it's a right-wing activity, as it is about individualism and equality of opportunity ;-)]