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David Aaronovitch-o-Tron

July 31st, 2008 by Matt Wardman

(This is a cross post from the Wardman Wire by Matt Wardman)

I came across Chris Applegate’s rather wonderful algorithm for a David Aaronovitch simulator, based on this column:

  • Step 1: Go ad hominem from the very start and label your opponents as being part of some mythical self-styled intellectual commentariat (while ignoring just how eminently qualified you are yourself to belong to that same cadre):
  • Step 2: Posit a false dichotomy and put your opponent at one extreme end of it.
  • Step 3: Push the boat out even more - emphasise how the bad men will get you if you don’t do what they say. Go for the heart-tugging “as a father” line if need be.
  • Step 4: When all else fails, wring your hands and play the race card.
  • Step 5: Ask a sub-editor to top it off by giving it the headline “Ignore the paranoid fantasists” and voila! Instant column!

The existence of a convincing algorithm invites a question:

Could we re-engineer Eliza to be an Aaronovitch simulator and thereby prove that belief in the real one is logically unnecessary?

Now, Chris Applegate is a Geek:

the blog, website & general online presence of Chris Applegate, twentysomething geek and generally lost boy

So how about it, Chris?

 

If we could do the same for a lot of columnists, then our newspapers might be economically viable again.

I had a little try out with Eliza (linked above):

Eliza: Hello. I am ELIZA. How can I help you?
Me: I want to be David Aaronovitch.
Eliza: Why do you want to be david aaronovitch?
Me: I can’t work it out.
Eliza: Have you tried?
Me: It depresses me when I do try.
Eliza: Can you elaborate on that?
Me: No, that’s the problem. I can’t understand it.
Eliza: You are being a bit negative.
Me: I know. I want to be David Aaronovich.
Eliza: Why do you want to be david aaronovitch?

At which point it started to go round in circles, which leads me to think that perhaps we don’t need to do that much development.

 

Could we even have a “kill 2 birds with one stone” Polly-o-Tron simulator, with an extra plug-in “Tim Worstall” module that would write a good chunk of Tim’s blog at the same time by applying factual corrections, and save enough time to let him stay in the blogosphere when he becomes an MEP?

Just musing over my cornflakes.

Engineering Resources

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