ThunderDragon Blog

The Northern Monkey feature has, once again, been noticeable by its absence. However, I once again have an excuse.

My long suffering laptop finally croaked its last, and left me without free browsing time to call my own. Leaving me with the long search to find a replacement.

What made the search so long was trying to figure out what I wanted. Nowadays, laptops have so many functions it’s difficult to know where to start.

Do I want a funky portable netbook like the Eee-pc? Well, yes, but practically it doesn’t really cut the mustard.

What size screen then? How portable do I need it to be for this?

How much memory? How big a hard drive? Yes, the bigger the better, but for my browsing, e-mailing, and typing I don’t need that much.

Then they all come with “extra” features. Most of which you’ve never heard of before.

I’m far from computer illiterate, but it easily gets confusing.

I’m finding it more difficult to pick a new mobile phone - mine is now over 5 years old, and whilst it’s still going strong, it’s probably due a replacement. I don’t want it to be all singing, all dancing. I use my current brick for making and receiving calls and texts. It’s got bluetooth so I can go handsfree - what more do I need?

An inbuilt mp3 would be nice (as my dedicated player is on its last legs), and a simple camera may come into use when I’ve not got my proper camera - but what to chose. I can spend several hundred quid on a phone - what’s the point?

Just last weekend, I helped an elderly neighbour buy a new mobile. He only uses it for emergencies. Making calls. Such phones do exist - but as phone are now so small, the buttons were too small. He’s got one with a camera, which is fairly pointless.

I love the advancements in technology. We need to carry on moving forward. But why is it that, when you want something nice and simple, it just isn’t there….

Over on ‘Bites, yesterday I commented on the news that Swansea council accidentally placed an out-of-office reply on a road sign.

The problem may have been avoided if they’d have used an online translator. However, as is well known, the results are from entirely accurate. The best example of this is translating something back into the source language - and seeing how it varies from what you typed in first time round.

So, time for a quick game. What was the source text I originally typed? Gold star for the winners (or funniest suggestions)

Welsh: Edifara , chwedleuech ata , ai jyst yn amlymu ‘ch gwddf?
English: I repent , you talked to , or just trimming ‘ dogs throat?

Icelandic: Minn peningar er fullkomlega öruggur í the banki
English: My bank note is wholly ruggur í the bank

Latin: Oh she’s valde exulcero , vos teneo. Valde exulcero. You’ve seen orbis is had in? Puteus , refer , ut eram donatus ut suus per suus fiancé ut is eram duodeviginti , quod is jilted suus , quod is Hasnonium had is off utpote! Penuriosus carus!
English: Oh she’s intensely to aggravate , you to occupy. Intensely to aggravate. You’ve seen circle this fueram upon? Well , to recount , when was given when his very his fiance when this was eighteen , and this jilted his , and this Hasnon fueram this off seeing that! Penurious dear!

Answers to come midweek!

I had to get up earlier than normal this morning for the purpose of a St John duty. Nothing that unusual there, apart from the darkness of the surroundings as I headed out to pick up the ambulance.

Today is, of course, the last day for a few weeks when it will be pitch black at 7am in the morning. Because, if anyone is not quite awake and needs the regular reminder, 7am today will be the equivalent of 6am tomorrow. Don’t forget to change your clocks!

The last week of British Summer Time (or Daylight Saving if you’re not from these waters) is traditionally one of the gloomiest. But I hadn’t quite realised until starting the 9-5. Getting up at half 7 and it still being dark, gloomy, and (given the inclement weather round here at the moment) very wet is very much a struggle. It takes that extra push to get up in the morning, that extra bit of motivation to convince yourself that do actually need to go into work.

A lot of people take the opportunity when the clocks change to moan about the issue. Ask why it’s needed. I’m not - and I definitely want to clocks to go back tomorrow so I stand more of a chance of being willing to remove myself from my duvet.

“Seasonal Affective Disorder“affects around half a million people a year severely - it’s a definite illness. However, surely everyone suffers from it a bit. At time of writing, I’m meant to be wandering into town to watch the game. With the wind howling and the rain drenching, I’m having serious second thoughts. That’s how serious matters have become…

And it’s only October!

~Asp

I’m back!

Successfully moved in, with working internet, and coping with the 9-5. And even more Northern than I was previously. I could change the name of the weekly column to the “Even more Northern Monkey speak”, but that requires effort. And it took me long enough to figure out how to log-in with the change of blog design here.

So, I’m going to resume where I left off. With pure randomness. Particularly, weird news stories I’ve heard over the past week.

First of all, the sad tale of Postman pat having a worse than when he ran over his cat (All the fur went flying / Postman Pat was crying / He’d never seen a cat as flat as that)

POSTMAN Pat had to have his nose cut off after a three-year-old boy got stuck in a children’s ride.

The youngster got wedged in the ride at the Focus DIY store on the Pytchley Road Industrial Estate, Kettering, and had to be freed by firefighters.

In his excitement, the boy tried to sit on Postman Pat rather than on the seat next to him yesterday lunchtime. (Northamptonshire Evening Telegraph)

Incredibly, Billy Connolly was right.

When their owners split, pets can develop serious nervous symptoms and have even been known to self-harm, according to vets at the Peoples Dispensary for Sick Animals (PDSA).
Sean Wensley, senior vet at PDSA, said: “Dogs that are stressed can show signs of compulsive disorder.
“This may include chasing their own tail or excessive licking of one or more limbs. As a result of such licking, the area can become raw and itchy, which in turn leads to further licking or chewing.
“The resulting condition is known as ‘acral lick dermatitis’. ” (The Telegraph)

Pets can self harm? Remember - if you end up having a stressful house, keep knives away from Fido.

~Asp

Don’t worry, I’m not back yet. However, with the opening ceremony today, I think it’s appropriate to cross-post one of my own blog entries from before I left the land of the internet.

So today, we’ve all seen Boris collecting the flag and the end of the 29th Summer Olympiad. There’s big a huge party on the Mall, and all thoughts have been turning towards the London Games in 4 years time. But not mine. Not yet at any rate.

Since I first saw the Summer Paralympic Games at Atlanta in 1996, I’ve always preferred them to Olympics ‘proper’. Olympic athletes are obviously proud of their achievements - and winning an Olympic gold is something all will be proud of. Even the tennis players.

But, for a paralympian, finishing the race is a tremendous achievement for most. It’s emotive stuff, often tear jerking, and the skill of the athletes is magnified.

I really do enjoy it - which 4 years ago was to the chagrin of my then housemates, watching the Wheelchair Basketball bronze-medal playoff live at 8am one morning and waking the house up with my cheering.

We also do brilliantly well at the games as Team GB. Fourth it Atlanta (39 Golds, 122 medals) before jumping to 2nd in 2000 behind only Australia (41 Golds, 131 medals). In Athens, the Chinese investment in sport started to show its prowess, as they headed the medal table with 63 Golds - Team GB again in second with 35 golds. A similar performance should be achievable in a few weeks time.

Such success is perhaps not surprising. Whilst it was the Greek that created the modern olympics, it was the British that created the modern paralympics- in 1948 at Stoke Mandeville hospital. They joined with the Olympics, sharing venues a few weeks after the Oympics, in 1988. Since then, some British paralympians have become household names - notably Ade Adeptain (Wheelchair baskterball) and of course Dame Tanni Grey-Thompson (wheelchair athletics).

The BBC will be providing even more extensive coverage than previously, so we can follow the games fully. I’ll be watching.

~Asp

On my way back from V2008 last Tuesday, I listened to BBC 5Live to ensure I caught the final day of action from the Velodrome (and Chris Hoy’s historic hat-trick). Inbetween the updates from the Madison, there was the standard phone-in, notably people responding to suggestions that double gold-medal winner Becky Adlington should become Dame Rebecca - as Cassie Patten suggested live to the masses.

That morning, Dame Kelly Holmes had said that, in her opinion, Adlington isn’t ready for such an honour. But, as a lot of people were keen to point out - she became a Dame after a double victory. Is it just sour grapes?

Well, I generally feel that the honours system has been seriously devalued. Entire teams getting honours doesn’t value individual achievements. Especially when they get it for winning a single tournament that happens every 18 months.

There’s no doubt that most (if not all) of Team GBs gold medal winners deserve some recognition in form of honours. However, it’s about time we looked at the honours differently.

Honours should be a final achievement. The cherry on the top of a wonderful career - the hallmark of an amazing achievement. “Dame Kelly” as she’s known was given her honour at the end of her career, after a succession of international medals - the pinnacle of which came at Athens. Adlington is at the start of her career.

If we gave Adlington a Damehood now, what would we give her in 4 years time if she continues her success? The throne itself? And what about Chris Hoy with three golds at these games; or Ben Ainslie with 3 successive golds (an achievement Jacques Rogge today rated as good as Michael Phelps given the potentional number of medals available at each games)? Maybe a Duchy each?!

And from another angle - the stars themselves already have some reward - the silverware hanging around their necks. If anyone deserves an honour from these games, I’m going to suggest Shane Sutton (and Dave Brailsford MBE (yes, he’s got something already), as well as others in the British Cycling Team. You might not know the games - but without them Team GB might well have 7 gold medals fewer than they do at the minute…

Whilst the honours system should, erm, honour Britain’s greats - it should be especailly used for the ‘unsung’ heroes. Such as the lollypop lady who’s been helping kids cross the road for 30 years, rain or shine. And, regardless of the final medals tally, let’s not use the Beijing successes to look popular and trendy by giving honours again.

~Asp

The Northern Monkey is turning even more Northern next week, as he moves house. Until internet is established, there’ll obviously be no guest column. As the world breaths a huge sigh of relief…

I have a few pet hates. One of them is so-called “NIMBYism” - “Not in my back yard”. People who don’t mind an idea in theory - until it sets up camp near to them.

When it’s objecting to the building of something like wind farms - then at least they’ve got some point. If everyone took that attitude then they’d never be any built. But, at least they’re trying to stop something changing.

What annoys me even more if people who move somewhere - then complain. Church bells are likely to ring on a Sunday morning. Airports will have the sound of planes. And, of particular interest to me - if you move to within the vicinity of a motorsport circuit, you’ll hear the sound of engines.

And yet, to give the most unfortunate example, Castle Combe circuit had a ‘noise abatement’ order slapped on it in 2005, following complaints from villagers. It’s widely accepted in the motorsport community that all of these are ‘new’ residents to the area. Now, the circuit can’t hold any ‘national’ (ie. high profile) events, as they’re too loud. There’s also evidence that a number of residents still complaining about the noise have done so - when there’s been no racing on!

Castle Combe isn’t the only circuit effected, many circuits are getting unwanted attention from local councils. And motorsport certainly hasn’t got louder - with technological advancements - it’s quieter. The noisiest parts of the day tend to be as every engine is revved up at stationary - for the obligatory noise testing. I think that’s a definition of irony…

Anyway, that’s I’m a keen supporter of this petition on the No10 website: Live with it. OK, it’s only a petition, and the government can ignore if they chose. That said, with enough signatures, it requires some attention - see the road charging petition. It’s a small impact, and why I’ve signed to say:

“We the undersigned petition the Prime Minister to introduce a green paper proposing ways, that, where complaints have been instigated by resident(s) against a long standing activity (for example, church bells, sports facility, local airfield and similar), and where residence has been taken up since the start of that activity (providing there has been no significant increase in activity), a presumption should be made to protect the continuation of that activity and reject such complaint”

To me, it’s common sense. If you agree, you’ve until 17th September to sign up - and I hope you will.

There was a feature on my local news, North West Tonight, earlier this week. A woman from Oswaldtwistle had returned from her holidays to find some uninvited lodgers in her loft. Bats.

I was left slightly insulted that this classed as ‘news’. A point made worse due to the fact that only a few nights before I hadn’t been able to get to sleep - due to our resident bats having returning to roost during my holidays and chattering away all night.

For many, the thought of having bats living in proximity is a very scary thought. Blood sucking Dracula-esque they might not be; but people still think of them as dirty vermin, carrying rabies, and not a pleasant house guest. So, when the woman on NWT said she was looking forward to them returning next year (once they find a nice roost, they return annually - we’ve had ours for at least 3 years), the presenter looked a bit aghast. However, I’m with the other roost owner. They’re lovely little creatures.

The Bat Conservation trust tries to clear up a few myths - they’re not nibbling rodents, they don’t build nests, and they are very clean animals. A few times recently I’d wandered outside in the dusk, and spent a bit of time watching the bats flying around, swooping to eat the insects. They’re only tiny little things - and there were a couple of young learning to fly this year - it’s a beautiful sight.

I’d say there’s only one problem with bats - they are protected by law. Infact, the roost is protected even when they’re not it - meaning we have to be careful with any building work we wish to do. However, the authorities are keen to point out that the bat’s welfare doesn’t rank above that of humans - so we just need to careful with any planning. I think it’s a small price to pay to have such an impressive lodger.

With their reputation though, bats are rarely appreciated. And it’s the same with so many animals. Whilst on holiday, someone in our group saw a snake by the river. Following screaming, the snake slithered away. I think it was more likely to be a Western Whip snake (totally harmless) than an adder (and unfortunately it definitely wasn’t one of my relatives)- but even if it was an poisonous snake, it was never going to attack. Most (if not all) of these poisonous creates are more scared of us than we are of it - and will only attack if they’re threatened. I’m fairly sure no snake will look at a human being and think “Mmmm, dinner!”

You can’t help genuine fears, but there’s really no need to be scared of snakes. Just don’t tred on one. Still, they’ve also got a reputation as killers.

I don’t think there’s actually a point to this post for once. Still, I always like to conclude with something. So, don’t condemn wild creatures because you don’t know anything about them. Sometimes, like with my bats, you’ll actually enjoy their company.

~Asp

For the millions amongst you that’s been waiting in eager anticipation for the return of my Saturday guest post (OK, I might be slightly exaggerating there), I hope that the extra day you’ve had to wait hasn’t caused a major consternation for you. But, as the regular reader of my own blog knows, I’ve got a good excuse. Yesterday, I put on my best hunting jacket to find somewhere to live as of September when I join the hoards of people who do that strange thing called “work”. Successfully too as it happens, but perhaps with a bit of a gamble - due to circumstances I’ve gone into at ‘Bites it was the only property we viewed, and if we hadn’t signed there and then, we’d probably have lost the property.

So, is this part of the evidence that the renting marking is growing and growing whilst the property purchase market is growing slower and slower? Maybe or maybe not - but the figures alone paint their own picture. With mortgages becoming more difficult to obtain, more people are unable to buy. And those that are often trying to “ride the storm”, not wanting to buy when they’ll be plunged into negative equity before they’ve put their key in the door.

However, in Britain we are a nation of home-owners. Renting is seemed as “second class”. Renting is dead money - at least if you’re paying off a mortgage, you’ll have a house at the end of it. But not every country has such a “property snobbery”. People rent for many different reasons.

Personally, there’s a bit of a combination of factors. I’m starting on a two-year fixed term contract - if I don’t continue beyond then, it’s pointless to buy a house. Even if things look good for staying on, I’m going to be new to the area - so need to be living up there to have a look around. Plus, I don’t want to be in negative equity. I’ll probably keep an eye on property prices, and when they start to turn may well move onto the “buy buy buy” factor.

But there’s other reasons for wanting to rent too. A lot of people like the freedom it offers. A lot more flexibility if you don’t like the area / house - you can just move out with considerably more ease than needing to go through an entire conveyancing process.

A lot of people who are now unable to sell their homes are renting out their property instead. It’s a new generation of landlords, a world apart from the buy-to-let landlords of only a few years ago. It could, potentially, result in a more long-lasting change as people discover some of the advantages from renting.

I can’t see things changing enough to replace the existing “become a home owner” mentality. But, with the climate as volatile as it presently is, renting is certainly the way to go…

With growing inflation, it’s no surprise that the Royal Family have spent more this year than last year. They’ve cost the taxpayer £40million in the past 12 months - an increase of £2million.

Or, to put that another way, 66p per person instead of 62p.

Personally, I think that represents outstanding value for money. For 66p you can’t even buy 66 penny sweets nowadays. It’s less than the price of this morning’s paper. I think it could get me 1 track off itunes - if I used that instead of buying CDs as I prefer. In this day and age, it’s nothing.

Never the less, republicans have jumped on the publication of the Royal Accounts as another chance to dismiss the monarchy. It doesn’t include the rising costs of security - OK, they’re not going to be insignificant, but overall it shouldn’t cost more than a Chomp bar each. They’re saying the increase of £2million is huge - but realistically it represents a reduction in costs considering inflation.

It is a lot of money, let’s be fair. But, someone needs to calculate what money the Royals bring into our country. People visit London just for a chance of seeing the Queen (particularly Americans). The tourist industry is huge as people check out Buckingham Palace. Various Royals have particular roles. The Duke of York is the UK’s “Special Representative for International Trade and Investment” - he encourages people to invest in UK business and, as I understand it, does a fantastic job. Everyone’s role at public functions has immeasurable benefit in terms of publicity for the organising body (often a charity) and pride for those people who meet the Royal Family.

I’m yet to hear a convincing argument to get rid of the Monarchy. Conversely, given the present state of our government, I’m sure it would be quite easy to make a convincing argument to let The Queen ignore conventions and start running the UK as she wants to!

~ Asp

See: BBC News, Times Online, CNN

Little note - The Northern Monkey (or Snake) is off on annual leave for the next month. Peace and quiet beckons throughout July, rantings will return in August.